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All This is Not Downhill

Brian
Tacang


In Your
House


Twin


Suitcase

All This
is Not
Downhill

Just Don’t
Let Them
Drop Me



 

My feet look like square bags of gelatin,
puffy and uncertain.
My legs are still firm,
but I wonder when they’ll start their lumpish ambling toward
doughiness.
The flesh around my waist has been forgiving,
providing a pliant yet uncomfortable amnesty
for years of caloric crimes.
My pectorals,
once a buoyant and beckoning pair,
have multiplied
into a foursome;
a mixed doubles tennis match that volleys across my ribcage
with only the slightest provocation.
Such as a sneeze,
or laughter,
or turning on my side.
Tensing the muscles on the back of my skull makes the lines on my face 
disappear
which is redeeming.
Momentarily.
But then I have to do something with my features
like speak or smile, and the fractures reappear.
And I grunt.
The gusty, old man grunt of my father
when I sit, stand,
or anything in between.
I suppose the grunting gives voice to joints that, in my well-oiled youth, 
never complained
while they
did the Hustle.
Every effort I exert –
climbing stairs, bathing the dog, housework –
every eye-wincing pain,
every wheeze,
exposes the lie they call downhill.
All this is not downhill.
It is
unmistakably
uphill.


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