I can’t sleep tonight
I couldn’t last night, either
or the night before that
when my eyes close
I hear the conversations
that never existed
except in my head
words I never said
and I blink my eyes
to rid the memory unmade
but even when I am awake
I am dreaming
I wish there were some voice
to drown out my dreams
to keep me from remembering
whatever wants me
to remember it

The floor is cold on my feet
and I can’t sleep
I pull fast the dark blanket, warm
and close my eyes again
only to stir with the pressing
knowledge of a nightmare
or dream so vivid I might
touch it
and hear the emptiness of a message lost
in the darkness
wondering what I was trying to tell
myself

I still can’t sleep
I remember tender touches
lonely mornings
lonely afternoons
dusty kisses
hot tears slipping
down a turned
untouched cheek
arguments that never existed
questions unanswered because
they were never asked
dialogue that never was meant to be
time forever always full
but emptier still in longer hours

I dream now when I am awake
finding tangibility in phantoms
knowing that this insomnia
is some manifestation that
mimics my regret, unfathomable
transparent
so what good is dreaming
of a reality unspoken

I can’t sleep tonight


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